Caregivers Support

Cross Country Caregiving
We're a mobile society. Long-distance calls and visits on holidays and special occasions are often enough to nurture family ties as long as everyone is in good health. But as parents age, these simple contacts are not enough, especially when children take on the responsibilities of long-distance caregiving. This is an increasingly common situation. According to the National Council on Aging, seven million Americans care for parents or loved ones who live more than an hour away. The responsibilities of long-distance caregiving can seem overwhelming. By dividing your parents' needs into discrete problems that you can solve will seem more manageable. Do they need help with transportation? Many communities offer low-cost van service. Do they need assistance after the death of a spouse? Counseling is often available from specialists who deal with grief. Do they need modifications to their home? Your job is to find a reliable contractor.

You can find a great deal of information by consulting your parents' local phone book or by finding their community's homepage on the Internet. You might also consider hiring a geriatric care manager to serve as your local eyes and ears and to help you assess and manage your parents' care.

Successful Caregiving

Most caregivers are so devoted to caring for their loved one that they don't have much time to care for themselves. It's a natural impulse that's as noble as it is self-defeating. A study by the federal Department of Health and Human Services found that more than 30 percent of those caring for seniors aged 65 and older described their own health as "fair to poor." Other researchers have found that caregivers use prescription drugs for depression, anxiety, and insomnia two to three times as often as the rest of the population. Being a successful caregiver is not that much different from being an athlete: you should allow yourself time to recover from your efforts.

You need to periodically give yourself a good night's sleep, a relaxed meal, and a change of scenery. In turn, you'll feel better, you'll have more energy, and you'll make better decisions. These breaks could be as simple as having a friend or relative take over your responsibilities for a few hours while you see a movie or go out to dinner. But longer breaks are also needed to provide the kind of thorough renewal caregivers need to restore their physical and mental equilibrium. For breaks of several days to several weeks, you may be able to arrange a respite stay for your loved one to stay at a nearby assisted living community.

Caring for Caregivers

Caught in the middle between your responsibilities to your spouse and children and caring for your aging parents? You're a genuine member of the sandwich generation. You know the stress of never having quite enough time or energy to give all members of your family the attention you feel they deserve. Should you attend your daughter's soccer game or take your father to his doctor's appointment? Should you go to a movie with your spouse or visit your mom? These decisions are never easy to make. There's obviously no perfect answer to dilemmas like these — but there are steps you can take to make it easier for you to balance your family responsibilities:

• Involve your spouse and your children: Share your feelings with them about how important it is for you to care for your parents. Work with them to develop a weekly schedule and do your best to adhere to it. Ask for their advice and support when making decisions that could affect them.
• Understand your parents' true needs: Learn all you can about your parents' condition and how you can best help them. Aim to provide the most appropriate care while respecting their independence.
• Nurture your marriage and your important relationships: Make time to enjoy the company of friends and to preserve the romance in your marriage. These vital connections will remain important even when you complete your responsibilities as a caregiver.
• Give yourself a break: Eat well, stay rested, and exercise regularly. Give yourself credit for doing the best possible job you can do, rather than focus on things you haven't accomplished. Know your limits and give yourself a break when you reach them.